Current Status

I am sitting here.
Waiting to live.
Or maybe,
waiting to die.

One has to happen,
or the other.

My mood is stable
My thinking is straight
I am optimistic
Hopeful
and dreaming.

But they tell me life is short
That it could end any moment
To live like today is my last.

Yet, here I sit.

How bizarre.

I was supposed to be....

I was supposed to be a travel writer,
But instead I tried to kill myself.
Shot down by fear, anxiety,
and the voices outside my head.
The plan was to go and never look back
Forget defeat and the 9-5.
All it took was one rebuttal
and I hid back in my shell

My dream was to travel for money
or to travel until money came;
To work and focus and see it all
and not give up when things got tough.
This proved to fail, just like me
I saw the flaws in my itinerary.
Just as I fell to the ground and shook,
but I have not given up.

The plan still remains just the same,
I know what I must do now.
All it will take is some deep breaths
and honesty to those whom I love.
They’ll doubt me, fear it, and condemn me,
Make me think I can’t make it on my own.
The good thing about dreaming big is,
there is no such thing as failure, only learning.

Safety and certainty aren’t what I seek
Stability and sanity were never meant for me.
Instead, I just need a world in which,
I can be whatever I believe I am.
Just when I spread my arms and fly,
I’ll see all of which I am capable.
So much more in the world awaits me,
and so I must take off.