They entered the train together with the natural briskness of a native New Yorker; avoiding elbowing any elderly strangers. She couldn't help but do a double-take as a man possibly twenty-six years old, only a few years older than she, sat 12 feet away from her.
"Do not become infatuated", she told herself. "You see handsome men everyday. You feel the exact same urges and crushes. Don't look at him again!"
The doors slammed shut and the train began gliding along the rails in the direction of her home. The train stopped at the next station and as if she had no control of her neck and eye muscles, she turned to him again. This time she caught his eyes looking back at her. He quickly looked back down at his feet.
As the ride continued, the frequency of their glances increased. She was even fairly certain he would smirk a little each time they caught each other sneaking a peek. She wasn't sure what drew her to this man. He wasn't as good looking as other men she had come across on this same train ride. The kind she could get for a dime a dozen any other day of the week. He wasn't dressed like a man who was heading home from an exhausting day at his luxurious office. He was an ordinary man with an ordinary face and as far as she could gather, he probably led an extremely ordinary life. Yet, here she was, unable to stop herself from looking at him. His shaggy, dark brown hair was held out of his face by his green hoodie and his jeans were rather shabbily stitched together. No, he definitely wasn't her idea of sophisticated. After all, she was returning from a long day of work at a big-time attorney's office. Her boss was the kind of man she wanted to marry. As a young secretary, she knew she had no chance with her large, surly boss. She doubted even other co-workers would be interested in her. For now, at least. She had plans to move up in the office ranks quickly. She had big dreams for her new job. For now, however, she was enamored with this rumpled boy on the train.
She tried not to look away too long, hoping he would recognize her interest. They both watched the crowds pour out at every stop, concerned this would be the others' stop and their coy interaction would be ended.
However, station by station, neither of them even began to put their things together in preface to leaving.
As the train emerged from the ground, she watched as snow hit the window pane. She was not looking forward to walking through the snow but watching it from the warm indoors was just lovely. As she turned to do her routine check-in with the man, she noticed he had now moved several seats closer to her. He gave her a smile to acknowledge his act. Letting her know she was responsible for it. Her smile was shy in response but unmistakable. She turned back to the window to watch the snow. She caught a glimpse of herself in the window. Trying to be inconspicuous, she inspected her half-formed image for any glaring faults, fly-aways, or smudged eyeliner. She concluded that she was reasonably presentable.
Several stops later, she noticed how close to her stop they were. She also noticed how close he was to her. She could now see his eyes clearer. They were green... maybe hazel. Whichever colour they were, they made him look like an honest man. They were large and reflected the train's lights in an almost cartoonish way. She could also smell him. Clearly, he had overdone the cologne, but she didn't mind the pungent musky odour he was emitting. The smell was how she thought a man should smell. She worried that she would have to get off the train first. In which case, she didn't know what she would do. She could initiate conversation but that wasn't really a skill she had. Men made her nervous. She had never outgrown that adolescent discomfort. If he got off first, he would have to make the first move. Would he?
As they approached the 18th avenue stop, he stood up and walked to the doorway. She was overjoyed, she didn't imagine forty minutes after their initial glances, they would be then getting off at the same place. This was perfect. She knew he felt the same when she stood up and waited by the door next to him. His smile was all-revealing.
The train came to a halt and the doors opened. They exited the automatic doors and he placed a cigarette between his lips. He turned to her. "You look just like my friend's sister." He continued speaking for a bit but his words were incoherent through the cigarette in his mouth. She just smiled, excited by the conversation that was finally taking place. The one she had been waiting for the entire ride.
"Are you related to this guy named Lorenzo in the area?"
He had a certain air of confidence and disinterest that told her he was a true Italian Brooklynite. She shook her head.
"You look so much like her. It was driving me nuts the whole train ride."
He walked through the exit door. Without looking back at her, he shouted, "All right. Have a good night!"
His pace sped up as he walked in the opposite direction from her own.
She stopped walking and said under her breath, "What the hell?"
Monday, April 1, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
It's not Insanity
I have been told my entire life that I need to speak up. That I am too shy. That I seem distant and stand offish. With a lot of people... I AM. I don't think this is a bad thing. I don't need the whole world to hear me saying what I think. I need them to KNOW what I want and I make sure they know. For me, it's not about everyone knowing who I am and what I do and my beliefs. All that is expected is that they somehow, through my actions, learn what I would like them to know and they then use that information as they wish. Pretty much, I lack an ego. Which is good, I guess. I mean, it comes in handy sometimes, I would imagine but I tend to be rather modest. I am not impressed easily and I don't aim to impress anyone. So it works out. We're all equal, really truly. We may not all do things the same way or have the same goals or intentions or desires but that's groovy. Not to say ignorant people should remain as such... sure, I personally believe a successful life is one which you are making positive change for everyone but I guess at the end of the day, instinct tells us to do for ourselves (aka our children and so forth...)
There are people who look down on you if you're not a BIG philanthropist activist hero moose goblin and there are people who look down on you if they feel you are wasting all your time on silly causes rather than doing something "more important" with your time. I, on the other hand, try to balance both! I would say I get involved with a lot of activism and good causes but I also go to school so I can have a career that will help people. See how that works?
My main intention here is to defend those activists, those believers, those fighters who can't dedicate their entire lives to "the cause" because they are also caught up in equally important causes. These people should not be put down for this, as I have seen done. A doctor who works night and day saving lives is not a bad guy because he or she isn't dealing with corruption in the government. What about those mothers and fathers who don't want their kids amidst a huge crowd of screaming, potentially violent strangers and cops and ruckus and madness? They instead want to be with their kids, safe at home, teaching them about life and love and the infinite possibilities in life... nothing wrong with that!
Just the same as I don't see some "big activists" at food banks or at adoption events or even at nursing homes. Which I find a little disheartening. Immediate or short term fixes are sometimes everything to someone. The arguing and insulting is just shameful. The stealing, the lying, the vandalization... these are not things that add to the beauty of the world. There are enough people destroying it, those who claim to be helping and take such pride in helping, as least do that the best you can if you're not doing anything else.
I don't say this to knock anyone or their life choices, I say this to maybe wake a few people up. Be their little reminder that change has to start within themselves or else no one will do better, no one will be better. Maybe they know this but pride stops them from changing (I'm guilty of this from time to time; we all are!) Just taking a second look at what you do and say and think can sometimes make all the difference within your life or even the world. This is how things progress and improve!
There are people who look down on you if you're not a BIG philanthropist activist hero moose goblin and there are people who look down on you if they feel you are wasting all your time on silly causes rather than doing something "more important" with your time. I, on the other hand, try to balance both! I would say I get involved with a lot of activism and good causes but I also go to school so I can have a career that will help people. See how that works?
My main intention here is to defend those activists, those believers, those fighters who can't dedicate their entire lives to "the cause" because they are also caught up in equally important causes. These people should not be put down for this, as I have seen done. A doctor who works night and day saving lives is not a bad guy because he or she isn't dealing with corruption in the government. What about those mothers and fathers who don't want their kids amidst a huge crowd of screaming, potentially violent strangers and cops and ruckus and madness? They instead want to be with their kids, safe at home, teaching them about life and love and the infinite possibilities in life... nothing wrong with that!
Just the same as I don't see some "big activists" at food banks or at adoption events or even at nursing homes. Which I find a little disheartening. Immediate or short term fixes are sometimes everything to someone. The arguing and insulting is just shameful. The stealing, the lying, the vandalization... these are not things that add to the beauty of the world. There are enough people destroying it, those who claim to be helping and take such pride in helping, as least do that the best you can if you're not doing anything else.
I don't say this to knock anyone or their life choices, I say this to maybe wake a few people up. Be their little reminder that change has to start within themselves or else no one will do better, no one will be better. Maybe they know this but pride stops them from changing (I'm guilty of this from time to time; we all are!) Just taking a second look at what you do and say and think can sometimes make all the difference within your life or even the world. This is how things progress and improve!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Twist of Fajita (irrelevant title!)
It can happen at any moment. That twisting, turning pain in your chest or stomach. The kind that gives you a headache, leaves you nauseous, and makes you want to run away and hide forever. It can be triggered by too much, too little, too big, too small... or nothing at all!
Anxiety is something I am afflicted with. Another obstacle that millions of people deal with in their lives. It's not the kind you can just take a pill for and everything is all right. Some people can but many can't.
It often stops sufferers from leaving their home or even leaving their bed. It's debilitating and can easily lead to depression. When you never know what you will come across or, in general, what moment will trigger it, you come to fear experiencing things. You can learn you're fine in a 400 or more people crowd at a jumping, screaming concert and then you go home, put on music and sit with your dog in your lap and realize you find the combination of the dog and music is overwhelming you. You are finding it harder to breathe, your heartbeat is speeding up, and you can't focus on anything. You just want to get into the fetal position under your blanket and sleep. Of course, you're so wound up, you can't sleep, either.
This is what anxiety can do to a person. Take over your day, your happiness, your existence. It can even lead to an anxiety attack. The most dreaded time in an anxious person's life. You are certain you will cry or pass out or die. Everything is terrifying. You're falling, life is failing... Reason doesn't have any meaning to this person. You can tell them they need this or to do this but this person has fallen into a mental blackout. They can't necessarily process what they want or need, they just are following the motions of life. Oftentimes leading to depersonalization to escape the situation. This makes it easier for the sufferer but worse for those surrounding them, trying to help. This is why having anxiety attacks while alone are preferable, even though it may make them scarier.
I wish I could offer a cure or even a treatment. However, I can't. All I can offer is information. I will never expect anyone who has not faced anxiety to understand it. As much as they may try, like an disorder or unique thing in an individual, only those who have been through it understand. The problem with that is, because it is such an internal issue, those who do not know, may blow it off or act as if the sufferer is at fault or being dramatic. I say this because of what I have heard and seen and been told myself. Ironically, as many people as have anxiety issues, there are a million more who have experienced it once or twice and still do not lend an understanding ear to others.
Maybe my offer of a firsthand experience and understanding of anxiety will be of help and help those of you who have been misinformed or uninformed understand or reach out, even. Any step forward is important.
Anxiety is something I am afflicted with. Another obstacle that millions of people deal with in their lives. It's not the kind you can just take a pill for and everything is all right. Some people can but many can't.
It often stops sufferers from leaving their home or even leaving their bed. It's debilitating and can easily lead to depression. When you never know what you will come across or, in general, what moment will trigger it, you come to fear experiencing things. You can learn you're fine in a 400 or more people crowd at a jumping, screaming concert and then you go home, put on music and sit with your dog in your lap and realize you find the combination of the dog and music is overwhelming you. You are finding it harder to breathe, your heartbeat is speeding up, and you can't focus on anything. You just want to get into the fetal position under your blanket and sleep. Of course, you're so wound up, you can't sleep, either.
This is what anxiety can do to a person. Take over your day, your happiness, your existence. It can even lead to an anxiety attack. The most dreaded time in an anxious person's life. You are certain you will cry or pass out or die. Everything is terrifying. You're falling, life is failing... Reason doesn't have any meaning to this person. You can tell them they need this or to do this but this person has fallen into a mental blackout. They can't necessarily process what they want or need, they just are following the motions of life. Oftentimes leading to depersonalization to escape the situation. This makes it easier for the sufferer but worse for those surrounding them, trying to help. This is why having anxiety attacks while alone are preferable, even though it may make them scarier.
I wish I could offer a cure or even a treatment. However, I can't. All I can offer is information. I will never expect anyone who has not faced anxiety to understand it. As much as they may try, like an disorder or unique thing in an individual, only those who have been through it understand. The problem with that is, because it is such an internal issue, those who do not know, may blow it off or act as if the sufferer is at fault or being dramatic. I say this because of what I have heard and seen and been told myself. Ironically, as many people as have anxiety issues, there are a million more who have experienced it once or twice and still do not lend an understanding ear to others.
Maybe my offer of a firsthand experience and understanding of anxiety will be of help and help those of you who have been misinformed or uninformed understand or reach out, even. Any step forward is important.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Scratching the Surface of Factory Farming
Shame is defined by Merriam-Webster as "a painful emotion cause by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety". That is to say, shame is a negative emotion felt as a result of not being up to the positive standard that has been set by society, typically an objective view. When an individual lacks in some way, shame is achieved. This is a human emotion and there is no individual who has never felt shame. It is normal and healthy to some extent. This is because humans are prone to do things often without knowing better or because of insensitivity at times.
Jane Bolton wrote an article for Psychology Today titled What We Get Wrong About Shame. In this article she discusses the information, as well as misinformation most individuals have acquired regarding shame. She uses one case in which a patient of hers felt because she felt shame, she must have done something shameful, therefore, her entire life was shameful. However, this is inaccurate. Shame is simply an emotion one faces in reaction to doing, seeing, or knowing something they feel to be shameful. This does not mean the act is in fact shameful, however.
On the other end of the spectrum are those who have been conditioned to not take notice of the shame involved in an action they are taking part in. Such as someone who overcharges elderly customers for the sake of making more money. He may know what he is doing is wrong but in order for him to make more money, he may choose to take advantage of those who do not know better. On one hand, he could feel shame and do it nonetheless. In other cases, he may be so concerned with paying his own bills that he will not see any fault in his actions.
One case in particular which comes to mind when I think of shame in American history is the common practice of factory farming. Merriam-Webster explains factory farming as, "a large industrialized farm; especially: a farm on which large numbers of livestock are raised indoors in conditions intended to maximize production at minimal cost." The definition alone does not appear to be all too shameful, however, upon further research it is clear where these farms do wrong. I do not only find the actions of these farms shameful but also how normalized they have come to be. Whether citizens are unaware of the horrible conditions or simply choose not to care, there is still a major epidemic across the country and the world that occurs right within these farms.
Before delving into the abuse that the animals involved in factory farming face, the impact it has on each person must be discussed. Factory farming, the way it is currently done, has been used for at least the past 20 years. These factories have replaced the small family-owned farms and are now huge corporations that tuck away thousands of of animals into small areas, where they are tightly packed together. This affects us all because between the methane released by these animals and the pollution from their manure, the air and water can be turned dangerous and make sick those in surrounding communities. Within the larger factories there is about 500 million tons of manure produced each year, according to www.factoryfarmmap.org. Rather than this massive amount of manure being dealt with immediately, it is placed in pits or lagoons and eventually used as fertilizer. Unlike smaller farms, these large scale factory farms do not prevent the polluting of water because of the size. So much is applied to land each time that it ends up in outside areas and pollutes the air and water. This would be not be as worrisome except, in mass quantities, you now have the release of nitrogen, phosphorus, and possibly even bacteria. These lagoons and pits have been known to leak, as well, along with the overflow of manure, which then spreads into nearby streams and water. This will then be consumed and lead to terrible consequences for the rest of the population, along with killing local wildlife.
The dangers of this manure doesn't stop there. All the chemicals held within the stacks of decomposing manure causes skin rashes, breathing problems and headaches, and long-term exposure has led to neurological problems. Beyond the manure, the animals themselves can spread disease. Due to overcrowding, therefore, stress in these factories, diseases are spread very easily. Having all these cattle in one, overpopulated area leads to bacteria spreading onto the hides and then brought inside the slaughterhouses. Even one cow that has been contaminated can bring about the contamination of thousands of pounds of meat.
The concerns do not end there. They even go as far as changing the effectiveness of antibiotics in humans. Being that spreading disease is so common in these factories, much of the livestock is treated with antibiotics to prevent illness and promote weight gain. These bacteria then become strong and antibiotic resistant. This leads to bacteria that are stronger than antibiotics once they reach humans. This goes along with the fact that chickens often receive arsenic-based additives in their feed, this is used enhance the flesh's pinkness and increases growth. Cattle are fed with animal byproducts, this increases the risk of mad cow disease.
When it comes to the animals themselves and their well-being, this is at risk as well in these factory farms. Most of the hogs and chickens in these facilities never have seen the outdoors. Cows on the other hand are outdoors but they are crammed into feedlots, as most factory farms use, rather than more humane methods. They are not allowed access to grass or open space. Even in the case of "cage free", there is little time outdoors. This is because the laws regarding what can be labeled as "cage free" are very vague. It not uncommon for a "cage free" chicken to have an open cage for 2 hours and be considered "cage free". At this point, the chicken may be unaware or too unhealthy to leave their cage anyway. These practices are all done to maximize profit. However, they also maximize animal stress and misery.
The final group to suffer due to factory farms is farmers! Every year there is less of a need and less of a presence of smaller farms. Most farmers are unable to maintain their farms and income when their competition is so large and powerful. They cannot keep up. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, in 2007 more than half of family farmers lost money on their farming operation. The few but large companies that are able to dominate this field have much control over what money farmers receive and control over the general going ons of the farms. The amount farmers receive for their work and livestock has been steadily decreasing throughout the past two decades. The change from many small, independent farms that were charging fair prices into a lesser number of huge farms occurred rapidly. The Department of Justice allowed these large meatpackers to become a monopoly, influenced by money they were to make more of and faster.
What these large companies and departments don't realize is that the previous system benefited everyone. By simply separating these large factories into smaller, more personal farms, the animals, communities, and farmers can be treated much better and be much healthier. Individual farms have the time, and if given funding, the money to take their time to ensure all animals are treated humanely and all goods are then the best they can be. Those who are currently purchasing these products from factory farms are either unaware or uninterested in the effects of those they are giving their money to.
In this unfortunate case, shame is lacking in those who are supporting a dangerous and unethical practice. Through education and understanding, more people can understand, rather than make light of, the inhumane and unhealthy actions that go on behind the scenes of factory farming.
-------------------
"How Factory Farms Impact YouFactory Farm Map | Factory Farm Map." Factory Farm Map. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Feb. 2013. <http://www.factoryfarmmap.org/problems/>.
U.S. Department of Agriculture. “2007 Census of Agriculture.” AC-07-A-51. December 2009. Table 5 at 14.
Bolton, Jane. "What we get wrong about shame." psychology today. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 Feb. 2013. <www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-zesty-self/200905/what-we-get-wrong-about-shame>.
Jane Bolton wrote an article for Psychology Today titled What We Get Wrong About Shame. In this article she discusses the information, as well as misinformation most individuals have acquired regarding shame. She uses one case in which a patient of hers felt because she felt shame, she must have done something shameful, therefore, her entire life was shameful. However, this is inaccurate. Shame is simply an emotion one faces in reaction to doing, seeing, or knowing something they feel to be shameful. This does not mean the act is in fact shameful, however.
On the other end of the spectrum are those who have been conditioned to not take notice of the shame involved in an action they are taking part in. Such as someone who overcharges elderly customers for the sake of making more money. He may know what he is doing is wrong but in order for him to make more money, he may choose to take advantage of those who do not know better. On one hand, he could feel shame and do it nonetheless. In other cases, he may be so concerned with paying his own bills that he will not see any fault in his actions.
One case in particular which comes to mind when I think of shame in American history is the common practice of factory farming. Merriam-Webster explains factory farming as, "a large industrialized farm; especially: a farm on which large numbers of livestock are raised indoors in conditions intended to maximize production at minimal cost." The definition alone does not appear to be all too shameful, however, upon further research it is clear where these farms do wrong. I do not only find the actions of these farms shameful but also how normalized they have come to be. Whether citizens are unaware of the horrible conditions or simply choose not to care, there is still a major epidemic across the country and the world that occurs right within these farms.
Before delving into the abuse that the animals involved in factory farming face, the impact it has on each person must be discussed. Factory farming, the way it is currently done, has been used for at least the past 20 years. These factories have replaced the small family-owned farms and are now huge corporations that tuck away thousands of of animals into small areas, where they are tightly packed together. This affects us all because between the methane released by these animals and the pollution from their manure, the air and water can be turned dangerous and make sick those in surrounding communities. Within the larger factories there is about 500 million tons of manure produced each year, according to www.factoryfarmmap.org. Rather than this massive amount of manure being dealt with immediately, it is placed in pits or lagoons and eventually used as fertilizer. Unlike smaller farms, these large scale factory farms do not prevent the polluting of water because of the size. So much is applied to land each time that it ends up in outside areas and pollutes the air and water. This would be not be as worrisome except, in mass quantities, you now have the release of nitrogen, phosphorus, and possibly even bacteria. These lagoons and pits have been known to leak, as well, along with the overflow of manure, which then spreads into nearby streams and water. This will then be consumed and lead to terrible consequences for the rest of the population, along with killing local wildlife.
The dangers of this manure doesn't stop there. All the chemicals held within the stacks of decomposing manure causes skin rashes, breathing problems and headaches, and long-term exposure has led to neurological problems. Beyond the manure, the animals themselves can spread disease. Due to overcrowding, therefore, stress in these factories, diseases are spread very easily. Having all these cattle in one, overpopulated area leads to bacteria spreading onto the hides and then brought inside the slaughterhouses. Even one cow that has been contaminated can bring about the contamination of thousands of pounds of meat.
The concerns do not end there. They even go as far as changing the effectiveness of antibiotics in humans. Being that spreading disease is so common in these factories, much of the livestock is treated with antibiotics to prevent illness and promote weight gain. These bacteria then become strong and antibiotic resistant. This leads to bacteria that are stronger than antibiotics once they reach humans. This goes along with the fact that chickens often receive arsenic-based additives in their feed, this is used enhance the flesh's pinkness and increases growth. Cattle are fed with animal byproducts, this increases the risk of mad cow disease.
When it comes to the animals themselves and their well-being, this is at risk as well in these factory farms. Most of the hogs and chickens in these facilities never have seen the outdoors. Cows on the other hand are outdoors but they are crammed into feedlots, as most factory farms use, rather than more humane methods. They are not allowed access to grass or open space. Even in the case of "cage free", there is little time outdoors. This is because the laws regarding what can be labeled as "cage free" are very vague. It not uncommon for a "cage free" chicken to have an open cage for 2 hours and be considered "cage free". At this point, the chicken may be unaware or too unhealthy to leave their cage anyway. These practices are all done to maximize profit. However, they also maximize animal stress and misery.
The final group to suffer due to factory farms is farmers! Every year there is less of a need and less of a presence of smaller farms. Most farmers are unable to maintain their farms and income when their competition is so large and powerful. They cannot keep up. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, in 2007 more than half of family farmers lost money on their farming operation. The few but large companies that are able to dominate this field have much control over what money farmers receive and control over the general going ons of the farms. The amount farmers receive for their work and livestock has been steadily decreasing throughout the past two decades. The change from many small, independent farms that were charging fair prices into a lesser number of huge farms occurred rapidly. The Department of Justice allowed these large meatpackers to become a monopoly, influenced by money they were to make more of and faster.
What these large companies and departments don't realize is that the previous system benefited everyone. By simply separating these large factories into smaller, more personal farms, the animals, communities, and farmers can be treated much better and be much healthier. Individual farms have the time, and if given funding, the money to take their time to ensure all animals are treated humanely and all goods are then the best they can be. Those who are currently purchasing these products from factory farms are either unaware or uninterested in the effects of those they are giving their money to.
In this unfortunate case, shame is lacking in those who are supporting a dangerous and unethical practice. Through education and understanding, more people can understand, rather than make light of, the inhumane and unhealthy actions that go on behind the scenes of factory farming.
-------------------
"How Factory Farms Impact YouFactory Farm Map | Factory Farm Map." Factory Farm Map. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Feb. 2013. <http://www.factoryfarmmap.org/problems/>.
U.S. Department of Agriculture. “2007 Census of Agriculture.” AC-07-A-51. December 2009. Table 5 at 14.
Bolton, Jane. "What we get wrong about shame." psychology today. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 Feb. 2013. <www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-zesty-self/200905/what-we-get-wrong-about-shame>.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
You've got a Friend in Me
All my life friendship has been a huge theme in my life. Who likes me, who hates me, not enough friends, too many friends, are we more than friends? Are we parting ways? Is it legal to befriend a penguin? It's something we deal with everyday. Keeping in touch with people enough but not too much.... all these silly issues that really aren't a big deal in the bigger picture.
Unfortunately, friends are an important part of life, though. We need them as we develop, in order to form relationships and learn how to interact with people. We need to work with them in the future at school and usually at work. It's all so important and yet, friendships come and go. I know mine do. I'll be super close friends with someone for years and suddenly we hit a bump in the road and it all falls apart. This is not just junior high stuff, I am talking about life. When we go out there and people don't learn to look past the little bumps. Heck, even the big bumps. Of course, there is a line between a friend with vices and a friend who treats you poorly, but for the most part, we don't forgive the things that shouldn't matter much. In the end, we'll all be on our death beds thinking, "Man, I wish ____ could be here. I just want to say I am sorry/I forgive ____ before I die." That may sound melodramatic but it becomes more important each year.
I don't mean to say friends are the most important people in our lives, though. I grew up with either none or very few at times and that had its own benefits. There's certainly no shame in being a loner. The only people who don't like it are people that you don't want to be with anyway! So that's no bother. Of course, being a loner doesn't mean you necessarily hate being with people. Every day I learn to appreciate people more, myself.
On the other hand, having friends means there are people out there with a hold on you. You begin to care how they feel about you and when they get angry or hurt or upset at you, you can easily begin to blame yourself or let them abuse you. This is risky, particularly if you are the more easygoing type. Friendship is certainly a two-way rode. Acceptance doesn't mean accepting everything a person does to hurt you but it does mean accepting everything that the person but deal with in their own life. This is the challenge of companionship. Thus, we find those we are compatible with and who can tolerate the difficulties of being with us. Not someone who says, "I put up with A, so you should appreciate me!" or "I'll put up with B but if it becomes inconvenient or frustrating, I'm out!" What you have to expect and look for in people is, "I understand you're like C, I can learn to love that about you. I won't deny that it's difficult but you're worth it." Something along those lines. This is how you know the difference between someone being your friend with an ulterior motive or a disinterested party and someone who will stand by you no matter what and therefore, you should commit time and effort into your friendship.
I don't know, just seems like the right way to do it to me!
Unfortunately, friends are an important part of life, though. We need them as we develop, in order to form relationships and learn how to interact with people. We need to work with them in the future at school and usually at work. It's all so important and yet, friendships come and go. I know mine do. I'll be super close friends with someone for years and suddenly we hit a bump in the road and it all falls apart. This is not just junior high stuff, I am talking about life. When we go out there and people don't learn to look past the little bumps. Heck, even the big bumps. Of course, there is a line between a friend with vices and a friend who treats you poorly, but for the most part, we don't forgive the things that shouldn't matter much. In the end, we'll all be on our death beds thinking, "Man, I wish ____ could be here. I just want to say I am sorry/I forgive ____ before I die." That may sound melodramatic but it becomes more important each year.
I don't mean to say friends are the most important people in our lives, though. I grew up with either none or very few at times and that had its own benefits. There's certainly no shame in being a loner. The only people who don't like it are people that you don't want to be with anyway! So that's no bother. Of course, being a loner doesn't mean you necessarily hate being with people. Every day I learn to appreciate people more, myself.
On the other hand, having friends means there are people out there with a hold on you. You begin to care how they feel about you and when they get angry or hurt or upset at you, you can easily begin to blame yourself or let them abuse you. This is risky, particularly if you are the more easygoing type. Friendship is certainly a two-way rode. Acceptance doesn't mean accepting everything a person does to hurt you but it does mean accepting everything that the person but deal with in their own life. This is the challenge of companionship. Thus, we find those we are compatible with and who can tolerate the difficulties of being with us. Not someone who says, "I put up with A, so you should appreciate me!" or "I'll put up with B but if it becomes inconvenient or frustrating, I'm out!" What you have to expect and look for in people is, "I understand you're like C, I can learn to love that about you. I won't deny that it's difficult but you're worth it." Something along those lines. This is how you know the difference between someone being your friend with an ulterior motive or a disinterested party and someone who will stand by you no matter what and therefore, you should commit time and effort into your friendship.
I don't know, just seems like the right way to do it to me!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
How aproposie!
I am not bitter or stubborn or angry or mean about Valentine's day.
I don't care if people waste money on candy and lovely things.
I don't even care if I'm alone and not heard a single, "Will you be my valentine?" (which I have been most years)
How am I so 'okay' with this? Because it's a holiday about love! How many of those do you get? One. Only one a year. Which is why people are so excited about it. Which is also why people hate it. The one day of the year where anything could happen, anyone could admit they're in love with you, anyone could send you a surprise basket of pink and red balloons to your office. Once that day is over, your dreams are dashed.
As a modern female, I see why women get terrified around this holiday. Who will do and say what? What if they don't do it or say it the way you want it done and said? What if no one does or says anything to you or for you and you're the only one and you lose your mind and adopt 14 cats and are alone for the rest of your life?
There are a few ways of looking at this situation.
1. I don't need a man to feel worth something. I will go out and rock the single life! Non-committal till death!
2. OH GOD, I NEED A MAN OR I AM WORTHLESS!!
3. Sure, I have a boyfriend/husband but Valentine's day is still stupid. He shows me he loves me everyday. We don't need a holiday.
4. Yeah, I have a boyfriend/husband but he's such an idiot. He's going to mess up Valentine's day again. Such a stupid holiday.
Etcetera, etcetera...
Now, why not instead embrace what you have while allowing growth if and when the opportunity comes along?
Maybe I'm alone and hopeless for valentine's day, so I can go for a massage or to a movie or go out with friends or a bar. What if I have a useless significant other? So go out anyway! Either make him something or celebrate in the house with cuddle time and a nice meal. If he doesn't show any interest in this or you... well, you two probably have bigger issues than a holiday.
Point is, yeah, it's a silly, money-wasting kind of holiday but it's the only holiday that celebrates something super magnificent like love rather than Jesus or Witches or surviving another year! No one has to be bitter about it. You can the opportunity to ask the cute guy on the street if he wants to spend the holiday with you. People are looking to be charmed on this holiday and surprised and are more open to meeting someone knew to care about, so why not catch the love bug and just enjoy it?
If nothing else, go to the pet store, there's always a puppy, kitten, or guinea pig that would LOVE to snuggle you and shower you with kisses. As a matter of fact, there is no human that would show you as much love a a puppy or whatever will. How about going to volunteer? Show love, even when you don't feel as if you're receiving it. You can begin the love because I assure you there are tons of people out there who are feeling the same way you are and you have an open opportunity to express it towards them. Family works too, of course. If you can't find a way to celebrate a day about love, you are seriously not paying attention to the world around you.
"Oh, I have to work. Not a moment to do anything..." So hug your co-worker or be extra friendly to the janitor. Add heart stickers to your binder. Write a platonic love note to the cubicle next to yours or to your boss (if you're close like that.)
I have given you a billion ways of celebrating, so go out there and get your love on. Stop being so glum and open your heart. Just for one day, is all I ask. Maybe you'll like it enough that you can indeed make it a full time thing. Who knows!
I don't care if people waste money on candy and lovely things.
I don't even care if I'm alone and not heard a single, "Will you be my valentine?" (which I have been most years)
How am I so 'okay' with this? Because it's a holiday about love! How many of those do you get? One. Only one a year. Which is why people are so excited about it. Which is also why people hate it. The one day of the year where anything could happen, anyone could admit they're in love with you, anyone could send you a surprise basket of pink and red balloons to your office. Once that day is over, your dreams are dashed.
As a modern female, I see why women get terrified around this holiday. Who will do and say what? What if they don't do it or say it the way you want it done and said? What if no one does or says anything to you or for you and you're the only one and you lose your mind and adopt 14 cats and are alone for the rest of your life?
There are a few ways of looking at this situation.
1. I don't need a man to feel worth something. I will go out and rock the single life! Non-committal till death!
2. OH GOD, I NEED A MAN OR I AM WORTHLESS!!
3. Sure, I have a boyfriend/husband but Valentine's day is still stupid. He shows me he loves me everyday. We don't need a holiday.
4. Yeah, I have a boyfriend/husband but he's such an idiot. He's going to mess up Valentine's day again. Such a stupid holiday.
Etcetera, etcetera...
Now, why not instead embrace what you have while allowing growth if and when the opportunity comes along?
Maybe I'm alone and hopeless for valentine's day, so I can go for a massage or to a movie or go out with friends or a bar. What if I have a useless significant other? So go out anyway! Either make him something or celebrate in the house with cuddle time and a nice meal. If he doesn't show any interest in this or you... well, you two probably have bigger issues than a holiday.
Point is, yeah, it's a silly, money-wasting kind of holiday but it's the only holiday that celebrates something super magnificent like love rather than Jesus or Witches or surviving another year! No one has to be bitter about it. You can the opportunity to ask the cute guy on the street if he wants to spend the holiday with you. People are looking to be charmed on this holiday and surprised and are more open to meeting someone knew to care about, so why not catch the love bug and just enjoy it?
If nothing else, go to the pet store, there's always a puppy, kitten, or guinea pig that would LOVE to snuggle you and shower you with kisses. As a matter of fact, there is no human that would show you as much love a a puppy or whatever will. How about going to volunteer? Show love, even when you don't feel as if you're receiving it. You can begin the love because I assure you there are tons of people out there who are feeling the same way you are and you have an open opportunity to express it towards them. Family works too, of course. If you can't find a way to celebrate a day about love, you are seriously not paying attention to the world around you.
"Oh, I have to work. Not a moment to do anything..." So hug your co-worker or be extra friendly to the janitor. Add heart stickers to your binder. Write a platonic love note to the cubicle next to yours or to your boss (if you're close like that.)
I have given you a billion ways of celebrating, so go out there and get your love on. Stop being so glum and open your heart. Just for one day, is all I ask. Maybe you'll like it enough that you can indeed make it a full time thing. Who knows!
Sunday, January 20, 2013
There is a place I go...
Some days I question my choice to become a music therapist. Like anyone else, I have my days of doubt. Will it be a fulfilling, enjoyable, and lucrative career? Will this path make me content? Will I be able to help people as much and as well as I have always dreamt of? The fears, questions, and doubts are bound to cross my mind. Especially as I near my graduation year (I am hoping to graduate the summer of 2014...) However, if I needed reassurance that I was on the right path, I suppose traveling would be the best way of being reminded of why I chose music therapy. I first noticed it upon my visit to Amsterdam this past summer. I was wandering alone most of the time, until I came across a broken guitar with the name 'Jordi' written on it. As I explored the beautiful city carrying my newly attained catastrophe of a guitar, several people asked me about the poor creature. All of which were immediately friendly, as they are when they see you carrying a puppy. This was simply a destroyed instrument, though! One young man was particularly intrigued by the disgruntled guitar and asked if I would like help in fixing it up. Unfortunately, the end of this story results in the guitar never being repaired. The upside, however, is that this English fellow and his traveling bandmates took me in immediately as one of their own. We walked the streets creating a following of other musicians ranging from Sweden to Philadelphia and beyond. We played music for change and enjoyed the warm summer nights.
As my next semester of college approaches, I am once again faced with the contemplation of my future and all the doubts that I previously had. This time my love for music therapy is reaffirmed during my journey south. I am now in a hostel in Atlanta, Georgia. My traveling companion and myself are somewhat of the odd men out and feeling rather like outcasts. Fortunately, last night something shifted slightly. As I drummed on the table a little ditty, a guy from across the table jokingly commented on my musical "talent". This remark began a conversation that was rather brief but it was camaraderie nonetheless and it was very welcome. The young German traveler was very friendly and while he did mention he would be heading back home the very next day, a new friend was certainly welcome and we both agreed we were hoping to cross paths once more before he left the country. There is no language or culture that surpasses the communicability of rhythm and beat. It simply pieces nations together and unites all.
Music is the "one love" Bob Marley spoke of, it is the "all together now" the Beatles dreamt of, and the "cum on feel the noize" Slade demanded. When we are seeking something to fall in love with, music is the beating drum of passion.
Wandering around today, my travel companion and I came across a venue with a concert and we decided to check it out, no matter the genre, the crowd, or the talent. Turned out to be an amazing show with a great crowd and we had a really fun time. It was not the late night spontaneity that attracted us but the draw of the vibrations. The vibes we all speak of but never quite know how to encounter.
What about therapy, though? Where does that portion of "music therapy" come into play? The real question is, how can you lack therapy through music? The moment a vibration occurs in such a manner in order to produce a sound from one's skin, one's bone, one's being to an instrument constructed from wood, nature at its purest, there is a new life. A new universe within the nanosecond it took to create. There is life in that vibration, it moves through the air and enters you and changes you. Whether it is your mood, your attitude, your opinion, or simply your walking pace, it envelopes you and even when you turn it off, there is something stuck within you. This is why songs get stuck in our heads, because music dives under our skin and sucks at us like a leech, ridding of impurities and thoughts we can't escape. This is what therapy is, this is how we heal and thrive and cope.
Music: A Beautiful Thing.
As my next semester of college approaches, I am once again faced with the contemplation of my future and all the doubts that I previously had. This time my love for music therapy is reaffirmed during my journey south. I am now in a hostel in Atlanta, Georgia. My traveling companion and myself are somewhat of the odd men out and feeling rather like outcasts. Fortunately, last night something shifted slightly. As I drummed on the table a little ditty, a guy from across the table jokingly commented on my musical "talent". This remark began a conversation that was rather brief but it was camaraderie nonetheless and it was very welcome. The young German traveler was very friendly and while he did mention he would be heading back home the very next day, a new friend was certainly welcome and we both agreed we were hoping to cross paths once more before he left the country. There is no language or culture that surpasses the communicability of rhythm and beat. It simply pieces nations together and unites all.
Music is the "one love" Bob Marley spoke of, it is the "all together now" the Beatles dreamt of, and the "cum on feel the noize" Slade demanded. When we are seeking something to fall in love with, music is the beating drum of passion.
Wandering around today, my travel companion and I came across a venue with a concert and we decided to check it out, no matter the genre, the crowd, or the talent. Turned out to be an amazing show with a great crowd and we had a really fun time. It was not the late night spontaneity that attracted us but the draw of the vibrations. The vibes we all speak of but never quite know how to encounter.
What about therapy, though? Where does that portion of "music therapy" come into play? The real question is, how can you lack therapy through music? The moment a vibration occurs in such a manner in order to produce a sound from one's skin, one's bone, one's being to an instrument constructed from wood, nature at its purest, there is a new life. A new universe within the nanosecond it took to create. There is life in that vibration, it moves through the air and enters you and changes you. Whether it is your mood, your attitude, your opinion, or simply your walking pace, it envelopes you and even when you turn it off, there is something stuck within you. This is why songs get stuck in our heads, because music dives under our skin and sucks at us like a leech, ridding of impurities and thoughts we can't escape. This is what therapy is, this is how we heal and thrive and cope.
Music: A Beautiful Thing.
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