We can't wait....

Yesterday I was verbally and physically attacked by a mentally ill, homeless woman on the New York City Subway. Not only did she try to harm me, she truly had the desire to murder me. She told me this.

I do not blame this sick woman. Although she is the one who tried to slit my throat, suffocate me, and light me on fire, I do not feel she is responsible for her lack of mental health. The system and the system alone is where my blame lies. She is their responsibility, and if she gets hurt or hurts anyone else, they are the ones who are at fault.

This woman was no child. There is no chance this was a first offense. This woman was extremely delusional and unwell. There is no reason she should have been on the streets, in the subway, or anywhere where she had unsupervised access to the public. If I didn't have the upper body strength to keep her arm's-distance away, I would very likely not be alive this morning. Best case scenario, I would have been found on the subway floor in a puddle of my own blood, possibly engulfed in flames.

Dramatic, yes, but the reality of the situation. She had the means and no qualms with destroying me. So, again, I ask, why was this woman in a public area?

I could begin to question the decency of those who witnessed my attacker, and the 100% of these people who did nothing more than give me a glance and look nervous. Full-grown men who were twice her size and could have restrained her or even did so little as sat closer to me to keep an eye on the situation... did nothing at all. Some didn't so much as stir, so as to avoid any contact or involvement. Not even the subway worker in the booth, with a telephone and a glass safety net around him stood up when he saw this crazed woman following me, as I held her at a distance. But... what good is that discussion? This is the world we have found ourselves in, and really? There is no reason anyone else should have to put themselves at risk for the lives of a stranger because an individual who should not even be in public is not being properly watched.

Calling the police would have been worthless. Not only would it anger her more, I know for a fact that they wouldn't be on the scene for at least half an hour or so. By which point, I could have been so much worse off.

Instead, I avoided eye contact, didn't say a word, and simply blocked my head with one arm while creating a barrier with the other. My two arms were the only things keeping me alive. All I did then was run as she followed me to my apartment lobby. Again, just because of the fortune of my situation, the lobby door locked behind me and kept her out.

I don't have research to prove anything or laws and numbers at which to point and discuss. I have my own experience, my own utter terror and sleepless night and trauma-inducing tale to share, and that is my argument. These say everything that should need to be said.

One night in a prison cell would not reform this woman. She is not a heartless sociopath and she is not a criminal by choice. Treating her as such and then throwing her back on the streets does not protect her or me. One day, she will harass the wrong person, and someone will end up dead. Will anything change then? I honestly don't imagine so. One more life will be sacrificed to the gods of political denial and ignorance. I am sure there are hundreds if not thousands of people who have experienced what I did last night. That doesn't mean I won't share this story, though. The options are to fix or to fall.

Is age just a number?

Lately I've noticed something new. It's an epidemic that needs to be addressed. Whenever  I tell someone my age, (because, apparently, they absolutely MUST know...) I get the response, "Oh. Well, you're not that young. I thought you were younger."

Are people insane? If you're in your 20s, you are very young. If you're in your 30s, you're very young. I don't want to live a life of constantly being told I'm "not young". I don't want to be thought of as "not as young". The reality is, unless you're shutting down your life at 60, you're not old until you say you're old. We all know that if someone dies at 50, everyone will respond to the event,
"(S)he was so young...." I refuse to wait until I die in order to be called young.

There's certainly no shame in being old, but let's call things what they are. If I have the potential to live life and experience the world for 70 or 80 more years, maybe even more, there's no way you will convince me that I have lived for a long time. That is part of the definition of old; living a long time. I've lived over 20 years, but I've only been truly taking in the world and experiencing it at its fullest for the last... oh, maybe 15 years? Maybe 10? I couldn't even experience college until I was 18, I couldn't legally experience a bar until I was 21, I didn't see Europe until I was over 20! There is SO much I haven't done, seen, or tried. Even if I had done two or three times as much as I have done by my age, just due to reality and logistics, the amount I could possibly "live" in the period of time I've been alive is severely limited. My life has barely even started!

When I reach 60, maybe I'll retire. Maybe by then I'll have experienced parenting or sky diving or petting a monkey or receiving a senior discount! There is so much I am not old enough or haven't had the time to do because life hasn't been long enough yet. This is why older people are typically wealthier than younger people. They've have more time to accumulate that money! Not necessarily because they had such an intense education that let to such an intense job that led to such an intense income. Because time builds life and unless you have been freaking out and jamming in every experience humanly possible, there is a heckuva lot you haven't done. Fortunately, you have an equally large amount of time to do those things.

Once again society and media are at their typical hypocritical ways! They tell us age is just a number and that we ought to be youthful and joyful and feel young and beautiful... but then they start dictating what we should have done or be doing or be ready to do at a certain age. I for one am not worried about your or my life markers. I'm not spending my days counting down how much longer I have until I can no longer do certain things or how much longer I have to fulfill a certain expectation. Maybe I won't start using "age-defying gunk"! Or maybe I'll wear my hair long even when I'm 80.

There's no set list of what I should have done by 30 or what I should stop doing before 40 or what I should try after 20. My goals are personal, some are private, but I know I will achieve them, whether it takes me the rest of my life or less time than everyone else. This isn't a race, nor a countdown to death. I'm just enthusiastic about what I will do as I get older. When the time comes, and I know I am old (if that day ever comes), then I will fully embrace it and I will take out my dentures, become racist, tell people how I truly feel about them, and surrender. That day is not coming anytime soon, though, I have many, many years to embrace my youth and all the things I still can and will accomplish.

Obedience Part II

The government must really be patting themselves on the back with this Kim Davis case. Oh, boy.

They took the "peaceful, hippie liberals" and turned them into bigots with stones in hand, ready to stone Davis to death. Because this will prove that the bible and religion is bad. Or something....

I, for one, really dislike religion, generally. More so, I really dislike when people use religion to oppress others. It is a truly great crime to deny others their needs/desires/or rights by law in order to obey "religious beliefs".

On the other hand, if someone believes in religion, and follows their beliefs to the end of the world, I think it's groovy if they stick to that. Not to stone anyone, light them aflame, lynch them, or cause any physical harm to them.... This is not EVER acceptable. But if someone is willing to go to jail, become public enemy number 1, and be threatened on a daily basis because she followed her beliefs, which, I repeat, did not physically harm anyone, I can't help but respect her a little bit.

I don't expect others to think the way I do. Some people jump at each other's throats over this debate, but I simply have my own view on it. I see great irony in casting stones upon others and calling others bigots while saying that what the other person fought for is not worthy of anything but death....

You can't have it both ways. I'm sorry. If you believe that people *should* follow their beliefs and have religious freedom, and we should respect their beliefs, then you'll just have eat your own words when it backfires.

I find it hilarious.

I don't agree with the choice she made, nor her beliefs. I wish she could lose her job and remain in jail and maybe someone could convert her. However, she believes in a specific Holiness, and I respect her right to believe and follow her religion as she wishes. We should all respect her choice.

In a sane world, we'd all wipe the dust off our hands, realize the woman made her choice in life, and move along. People murder, people rape, people abuse... and we're worried about a woman who rather go to jail rather than sign a paper for two people!?

This isn't a sign of the times, we all know America is progressing. We know that marriage between homosexual individuals will now and likely, forever be legal. We all must continue to fight for peace, love, and understanding, but as of now, the marriage thing is set and settled. That's good to go, ain't nobody, not even Kim Davis is going to change this. America is very pro-gay marriage.

So, then, if one woman wants to go against the law... let her. She wants to risk her reputation and face the consequences? No further action is necessary. That case is over. Stop letting the media manipulate and distract you. The fact that I've now written not one, but two articles about this, because it was such a fiery subject, says something. It says that we are once again getting caught up in bath salts and ebola and every other stupid trend that becomes the news' money funnel.

Let Davis rot in... well, nowhere, most likely. There is no Hell. Let her marinate in her paranoia and schizophrenic-like tendencies. Let the woman suffer in peace! Or, at least, stop talking about stoning her. Sheesh!

Now We're Getting Obedient?

It is seldom that I comment on pop-news, but there are stories that come along every now and then that really trigger the Socrates in me. This is the case for the Kim Davis situation.(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Davis_(county_clerk)

Upon hearing the details of this case, my first instinct was to oppose Davis and her actions. Denying marriage to two consenting adults, of any mix-n-match of sexual identities sounded like a horrendous, unethical, and illegal act. I wished Davis to be placed in jail, plain and simple, for having broken a law. For her name to be denounced and her professional title removed. The woman should be burned! Well, not to that extent. But, like most of the liberal-minded individuals surrounding me, I felt she was completely in the wrong.

And, I still do. I think her belief in God, God's laws, and God's punishments had no place in her office, nor in her decision to (or to not) wed two homosexual individuals. However, do I think her a dirty weasel who was completely sick in the head to not only break the law, but also go against the principles and morals of her job? Simply put, no.

One of America's favourite heroes, Martin Luther King Jr. himself once said,

“An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law."

Does this profound thought not apply to those with whom we disagree? Should man or woman only stand up and break a law they consider unjust IF the liberal majority agree with their point of view or disagree with the law? Where are all those activists and protesters who once firmly believed in civil disobedience... in following your own moral values rather than those of the state... putting yourself at risk of imprisonment and public shaming in the name of your personal beliefs? 

Rosa Parks made the choice to go on the bus all those years ago, she then chose to break the law and sit in the front of the bus. Was she also just a hooligan breaking laws? If Miss Parks had not believed in equality, or she had not believed in it to the extent that she did, she never would have put her life and reputation at risk. However, she did, and to this day we praise her. Both because she stood up for the black people, but also because she civil disobedienced the heck out of that situation. 

With the government taking more and more control over our lives, this is no time to turn against those who are willing to stand up against that with which they disagree. We should be praising Davis for her willingness to stick to her beliefs in the face of tremendous hatred, as well of the dangers of disagreeing with the popular opinion. What she refused to do did not end any lives, nor did it put anyone in harm's way. The solution only required the engaged couple go to another county clerk.

Yes, Kim Davis belongs in jail. Breaking a law explicitly results in jail time. However, turning against her as she fights for her beliefs is not the next step. Raising awareness and tolerance for homosexuality and the need for equality is where our focus should go next. That includes equality for all to follow their religious beliefs. For all to make choices that they can morally standby. For all to stand up to "The Man" and show that civilians, even those with differing opinions, can stand together and create a community rather than a lynching mob.

Casual Encounters

Since I am trying to stay hip and trendy with the kids, I just started learning a new modern song on guitar. The song is called "Stay With Me" by Sam Smith. Prior to finding this song under "Top 100 Hits", I had never heard of the song, heard the song, or heard of Sam Smith (no relation to The Smiths or Patti Smith, it seems.)

After playing the song a couple times, I realized two things:
1- This song is pretty boring. 
2- This song is quite stupid.

Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand

But I still need love cause I'm just a man

These nights never seem to go to plan

I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?

[Chorus]

Won't you stay with me?

Cause you're all I need

This ain't love it's clear to see

But darling, stay with me

(http://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/s/sam_smith/stay_with_me_crd.htm)

Let's see what we have here.... The young man just had a one-night stand, but he's realizing he's not very good at them. I guess this means he gets emotionally attached? 

  
       Why am I so emotional?

No it's not a good look, gain some self control

Yes, it's confirmed. He doesn't understand why he gets so emotionally attached... ya know, to the person with whom he was just physically intimate. He's saying that this is a bad trait and he should stop caring about people after intimacy. Sure, emotions should have nothing to do with the most vulnerable thing one can do with their body.... This seems like a good lesson.

I am getting ahead of myself here, though. Let's just stick with the main point Mr. Smith is making. He's not in love with the person he was intimate with, but at the same time, he wants the person to stay with him. For what? The day? Does he want to go shopping for matching Crocs and share a slice of apple pie at a 24-hour diner, or does he mean, seriously, you have to stay with me, you're naked, your hands are roped together, and I will use my taser on you if you try to escape? I mean, let's define this relationship right off the bat, please. 

After all, "you" are all he needs. A one-night stand who doesn't leave. However, "you" probably want to run off to work or to your spouse or to feed your dog. All reasonable requests. Also, let's not ignore the first two lines. He straight-up makes it clear that he doesn't want to be intimate with you, but he's a man, he needs to commit the act. It's normal, it's healthy, he's really just an animal following his primal instinct. Alas, he doesn't love you, so cuddle him a bit, then go feed your dog. This man has NEEDS! Hey, he called you darling, didn't he? If that's not respect, I don't know what is. 

What occurred to me after reading these lyrics over several times is just how many songs are pushing casual sex. I get it, being a "slut" is now the cool thing to do. Open relationships and open minds, man! Because everyone wants and needs different things, we have to accept ourselves and the desires of others. Like, groovy, yeah.  

Just one question, if I may....

Did we learn nothing from the AIDS epidemic? Free love is not cool, man. Condoms aren't 100% effective. Birth control isn't 100% effective. Even being sterilized isn't 100% effective! Like, yo, how about you simmer down, hot pants? If you have needs, go have that checked out. Go to a store, or a website, or hire a "friend of the night". She/he gets paid to take that risk. If you have two consenting adults, I understand that's it's all s'aright morally and whatnot, but this does not mean that one should jingle all the jangles in town. Don't go blowing on every wind chime you see just because you "need to" and that's what it's there for. 

Have fun, forgive yourself and others for your past (or forget about it), but don't go climbing up too many coconut trees or, eventually, one will fall on you and break your legs. 

You still with me? Cool. Stay with me.

Pot in the Park

About 6 or 7 months ago, I met a guy in the park. I won't name the guy and I won't name the park, but I met the guy as I sat in the park listening to some performers play My, My, Hey, Hey. No, the guy wasn't Neil Young. We talked for awhile and then he invited me into his apartment. This story is NOT going where you think it's going. He was, and is, a photographer. Cut ahead 6 or 7 months, and we're good friends. We hang out, listen to music on his amazing stereo system, and he teaches me about music I love but of which I am clueless.

During this time, I am desperately seeking a job. I find useless internships, I find promises for work that never come through, I skip interviews for jobs that are far away, too boring, or don't pay anything.... Everything but what I am looking for.

Despite being a very busy guy, even though he is on the edge of 70, the guy remains active in the music community and always has projects underway, and he finds time for me. The guy is full of energy and enthusiasm, it's lovely! He wants me to have money to pay for travel and life and to no longer rely on my parents' income. He worries! Oy, how he worries!

As we all know, though, work is hard to come by. Especially for a graduate student with a B.A. in liberal arts. No one actually knows what liberal arts are! Who would hire someone with absolutely no skills, knowledge, or experience?

This is when desperation kicks in. This point of my life. I've hit an age (whatever that is) that implies to some extent that I should be an independent, grown adult. Whether this is the case or not, that's another story. For, I am useless. Unemployed, and going to graduate school costs money rather than bringing it in. A sad reality for many Americans under 30 (or over 30, for that matter!) And so, here begins the journey into how low I'll go in the name of money.

1 - Dogsitting? Sure! Of course! I love dogs! Of course, everyone in the planet who matters does, too. Everyone and their pope is a dogwalker/dogsitter. Near where I live, no one seems to work, all they ever do is walk their dog(s). No one needs my services.

2 - Shot girl? I don't even know what this means. Are there shot boys? I get the feeling those only exist in gay clubs. I guess I pour shots.... I can do that! It requires absolutely no skill! Oh, wait, it also requires absolutely no clothing. With this darn anemia, I'd be goosebumped all night. Nobody wants shots from the chick with purple lips and an unsteady hand from shivering.

3 - Foot model? Now, that sounds easy enough! I have feet! Of course, they left out the fact that it's for foot fetish parties. And, no, these people don't *just* come for the feet. Another bikini job. For those of you who have never seen me in a bikini, this is why you've never seen Sasquatch. Yes, folks, I am huge, hairy, and I smell like deer manure. Don't ask me to put on a bikini.

At this point, aside from the hilarity that came from these options, I was pretty downtrodden. Would I never find independence? Is there something wrong with me? Everyone else seems capable of getting by... except the homeless. Maybe I'm homeless and no one has ever told me about it! That would explain it, I think?

It was then that the guy called me. Remember the guy from above? Almost creepy, but not? Yeah, him. He tells me he has a unique work opportunity for me. Unique sounds promising, but I knew right away it would be shady. In my world and life, nothing is ever quite so sweet and simple. Would I be sneaking baby tigers into the country? Assassinating a CIA agent who knows too much and wishes to leave the job? What's it going to be?

Well, it wasn't quite that awful, but he tells me about his cousin. A cousin he didn't even know existed until he was 35 years old. This sounds like a promising start. Dude just lost his best worker, dude has a bunch of weed he has to sell, and dude left it to the guy to hire someone new. The guy knew I was looking for work, and voila! I was the first person he contacted about the prestigious position.

Mostly open hours after 2 PM, at least $900 a week, and all the brownies a person could ever ask for! Well, no, there was no promise of brownies. Maybe that can be negotiated, though. They must have some untouched ones, right? Oh, he also claims that all customers are connected to him personally and have been for the last 10 years or so. Thus, all trusted.

He told me that if I am interested I can come by on Monday, August 31st to discuss the opportunity further.

She's a lady! Wo-o Wo-o Wo!

If a heavy woman walks into a room and starts making fat jokes, is the movie no longer sexist?

Most of us would say that's still sexist as heck, but we let Hollywood get away with it!  As long as we see a woman who has more than telephone cords for arms and legs onscreen, we let her get away with a lot!  This has been proven time and time again by the likes of Mindy Kaling, Amy Schumer, Melissa McCarthy, and various other “well-rounded” actresses. 

We’d like to think the game has changed…. Alas, no matter how much society emphasizes the intelligence and humour of a starlett, if she weighs more than a bread box, the biggest message we receive from her comedy is bound to be how big she is! Keep in mind, Schumer and Kaling wouldn’t register as obese, or even particularly chubby. They’re simply human-sized. However, If Jack Black eats a box of donuts, it’s cute and typical of a man. God Forbid, a female lead eats her entire meal and thoroughly enjoys it, she becomes the woman who eats ferociously. 

Not to leap to racial issues, but this point is moot when it comes to black women. For unforeseen reasons, the sassy, voluptuous black woman is acceptably the character we have come to expect and love. Of course, Saturday Night Live’s own Leslie Jones tends to fill this role in a robust-manner quite well and repetitively. A fact I point out for the sake of recognition. Not all women are treated equally. Lest we forget Margaret Cho, the elusive "heavyset" Asian. Where is her big breakthrough film of the year?

Yet, still, having a female lead is a novel idea. Even more so, having a female lead who doesn’t have the metabolism of a centipede is such a dream, that even staunch feminists have put down their swords and gotten a cheap laugh out of a big-girl-eats-entire-refrigerator joke. 

It’s painful to put a price on the head of a successful female comedian. Let’s be real, having a funny female star who doesn't give a funk is a big breakthrough in comedy in itself. Unfortunately, women like Amy Schumer may be inching their way onto a dark path of never-ending misogyny in a way only Hollywood could possibly get away with. Going on stage and presenting yourself as a slutty, manly, ugly creature is not feminist. It doesn’t comfort young women. This is not a message of loving yourself, your body, your actions. It’s not a message of ignoring the comments of others, feeling beautiful despite stupid beauty standards. None of this is expressed or implied. The message here is, “If you don’t fit the beauty standards of society, you can just assume you’re ugly and manly. Don’t feel bad about it, but it’s probably true.”

What more do women have to offer than their daintiness, ditziness, and stupidly good looks? The reality is, a woman onscreen can’t have everything. You can have a woman who is a successful doctor who captures the lust of any man she crosses paths with, but somehow, anything relating to politics, or the real world, she is clueless about. If you have a woman who is tuned-in, well-spoken, and putting her life together, she can only do so when a man comes into her life and shows her the way. Not to mention, as long as she's above the "average-television-weight", her contract most likely mentions a quota of fat jokes somewhere in the fine print. 

Some actresses, you can’t even research them online without being bombarded with links to lists of other chubby/fat/curvy females in media. You can’t even think about Melissa McCarthy without an article popping up along the lines of: 

“Rebel WIlson: Fat or Obese?!” 

“Aidy Bryant: SNL castmember or Thanksgiving Day Parade float?!” 

“Gabourey Sidibe: Why she shouldn’t wear anything pretty ever!!” 

There is no reason this should be the focus. There’s no reason this should be okay. These women are being treated as bait. Thrown into the woods for their buxom bods to be feasted and gossiped upon. As many times as these actresses defend their roles and typecast, no woman on television or in movies is working for her own health. A woman in front of a large audience, millions if not billions of impressionable females, is a role model. She must work and live in a way to make other women proud. To help us progress, not to keep us at the bottom of the barrel. Not to let women’s rights, pride, and acceptance go ignored. That is what she is being paid for, even more so than making us laugh and cry. She is being paid to present women in a way we wish to be presented. To show the world what we can accomplish, without taking “no” and an insult for an answer. Step up, ladies! This is our chance!