Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Who's cool? You cool.

This "I'm a cool parent" or "we're a cool couple" thing is getting old. I don't mean parents and couples shouldn't be cool, I'm saying they should be cool within their own lives. With those connected to the situation. NOT posting cute/cool things they are doing all over social media. Now, we've all been there; you do something really cool or clever or funny and you WISH your life was The Truman Show, so you post it to your friends. Sure, that's fair. Once in a while, we have to brag about our coolness. However, when it becomes this, "Like oh my god, just a reminder, don't forget! I do really amusing things ALL the time. Aren't you jealous that you aren't as much fun as I am?"

That makes you look sad. Dare I say, pathetic?

A cool parent, to me, means that you are making your kid laugh all the time. A cool spouse/significant other brags about the amazing things their other half does, not what THEY do. If you're doing it and looking forward to showing it off to other people, you're probably in it for the wrong reasons. NOT COOL.

I do get it, though, as I said. Life can get mundane at times, one must spruce it up and, yeah, show other people that you're doing something interesting with your life and free time. Of course. Or, you need evidence that you are raising your kid in a unique and progressive way. You're proud when your kid is a little odd and original. Surely! There's always a limit, however. Some things are just best kept private and hey, eventually someone will notice how cool you guys are all on their own. If you're really doing a good job at it, someone will notice. Word will spread, you'll be the coolest mom/dad/spouse on the block. Like, whoa!

Hey, I've considered having kids eventually just so I could do weird, experimental things with them. I can say that because I don't want kids, otherwise. If my kids turned out super boring and stupid, I'd just punch them and lock them in a secret pathway under the wood floors. How cool would my kids be if they lived underground? They'd be super cool until they starved to death. See? This is how bad parenting begins! I will not have kids just to prove how unique they can be; I promise!

As for getting married and doing cute, weird couple things? I don't know if that would work... most guys think I'm too weird. I don't think they could keep up. I don't mean trendy positive weird, either. I mean, like wanting another dog so I can name him "Kuru". Yes, the fatal epidemic spread in New Guinea due to cannibalism. Like, that *would* be an awesome name, but most guys are not impressed with the idea. (To be fair, I've spoken to other guys who LOVE the idea, so... that's good.)

But cannibalism aside, I'm just trying to say that being present in your situation is the most important thing you can have and appreciate. Rather than worrying about how you look to other people. This is something we all unconsciously focus on much too much. When we're little we want to be the most normal, popular kid who does all the trendy stuff. As we get older, some people stay that way, and some people remember how they got attention for being the most weird and unique, and therefore, become hyper-focused on that aspect. In the end, the concept is the same. Don't you see, man? It's all the same! We're all sheeple. Brainwashed by the media, man!

I hate that word- "sheeple". It sounds gross, and, of course, overused. Do people still think that's a clever term? "Whoa- what if we take the word PEOPLE, but imply that we're all just following THE MAN by adding in the word SHEEP. It would totally become SHEEPLE. Where do I come up with this stuff!?"

Dangit, Johnson, you're not even trying anymore!!

Where was I?

My point is, this is why relationships are so poo-y these days. As soon as someone's spouse isn't being cute and "on" all the time, one gets bored of them or disappointed. Rather than looking for the little things, we are all seeking the big things. Now, that's not to say, I don't expect to be amazed and surprised and laughing all the time from whomever I choose to settle on one day, but that's only because I'm one for providing the entertainment. I expect it return. My standards and expectations are higher than healthy. BUT, still, I want it for me. Not to show off to other people. Therein lies the difference. I think. Maybe it's just as bad, but I am acknowledging it now, and I've remained single for 400 years in order to... um... not inconvenience anyone. Yes, that's it. It's all a choice, I say!

That reminds me of a conversation I had the other day. With someone. And I can't remember what the conversation was. I was talking about something... OH! About moving to Tennessee and being a redneck. I was saying, "I don't think I could do it. They say it isn't a choice, but we all know God intended us to be city-folk. Being a redneck just ain't natural!" I was being told I should try it and see if I like it, but I was adamantly opposed.

What does this have to do with anything? Nothing. Nothing at all. I just found it amusing and I don't have any children or spouse to brag to about how amusing I am, so I will do it here. Then again, you had to be there. It isn't funny at all written down. I just can't win.

But see how I brought it all around to a point? I wasn't just rambling!

If we could all just make our point and focus on the children - think of the children!! - then we'd all have healthier relationships and lives. And maybe we could all adopt animals and name them after brain diseases. That's all I really want.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Woke up with a concept.

I would like to take this opportunity to discuss the rumour spread of a cookbook being released by the author, humourist, director, and beloved philanthropist Woody Allen. These rumours were correctly and fairly spread by one correct and fair... me!

Mr. Allen, born at the intolerable and inconvenient height of 5'5'' had the chutzpah to begin a career in cooking at the newly inspired age of XX. An age censor requested by his agent, in order to uphold his high standards of secrecy and vanity. Alongside these inflamed and accurate allegations of his authorship of said cookbook, he was also honoured earlier this year with an award presented by Melanie B. AKA Scary Spice of late "Spice Girl" fame. He received the honour with the title, "Scariest Person with Potential to Sport a Cultural Afro". Ms. B was heard chuckling at the apropos terminology used; "sport", reminiscent of her fellow Spicy girl "Sporty Spice". Unfortunately, no one else found this joke as amusing as she did.

It is noted that this Spice Girl's sense of humour, or lack thereof, is no reflection of that of Mr. Allen's. As a matter of fact, he found her humour, "... as stupid as the term Zigguh Ziggah!"

The data of utmost importance in this case is the recognition of what Allen has chosen to include in his cookbook. Firstly, the title he has aptly chosen is, "Filet it Again, Sam". One which in disclosure, he reveals was actually a second desirable choice next to, "Everything you always wanted to know about steak, but were too afraid to ask." A long title his editor felt was too close to the more risqué title of a movie he directed many years prior.

Nonetheless, recipes in this book include:
- Starfruit Memories
- The Purple Onion with Taro
And, of course, a special recipe for a Manhattan without ice. Because no hypochondriac need face brain freeze on any given day.

Further information will be shared soon... if I think of anything else. Thank you.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

And, now what?

It doesn't particularly make sense to me as to why our options are so limited in life.
That sounds absurd. You can be a doctor or a hobo or a police chief or a lion tamer or.... well, you get the idea. Yes. This is true, you can BE whatever you want (if you BELIEVE!) but that's a tiny particle amidst the bigger picture!

Still, in order to survive and not disappoint those you love, you have to "grow up", to some extent. You have to LIVE and be independent and let go of people you care about. You have to lose people you enjoy having in your life. You have to be born and you have to thrive and you have to die. You and I don't have a choice in the matter.

I may want to go through life without stressing about taxes and work and grades, but in order to live a full life, I am expected to do this. Even if I live on my own terms, not caring about what anyone thinks, then I am just living a selfish life, and what's the joy in that? Majority of people allow themselves to be stressed and anxious and sad because we care about other people. Which would be fine; if we got to determine WHAT mattered.

What matters to those around us matters to us because of pre-determined expectations. What's "average" and "right" is what's "best".
If someone doesn't like the rules, they have no say in how it will affect others. If someone decides to live with their parents, not have a traditional job, and just work on their paintings or their inventions or their book their entire lives; sure, they could do that. But who does that benefit throughout? Not many people. Success and moving "forward" is what people want to see. Otherwise, you're not doing a whole lot. Even if in the end your invention helps millions of people, what good were those years between? Even if you were helping people and being a good person; chances are, no one will be impressed. Except, maybe other people who didn't bother doing much else with their life. This especially applies if one comes from a history of "successful" people.

**** Yes, I am putting a lot of words in quotes. This is because they note which terms are subjective. What one considers successful will differ greatly from what another does. But there is an objective view of what is success and selflessness and respectable. Myself included, I have my own bigoted views and snobby attitude from time-to-time. We all have standards. Some people just cut it off at "Well, if you have no desire to murder me, you aren't bad!", and others expect a lot more. Also, what I stated above is not necessarily my opinion (obviously!)

If your entire life, you've been surrounded by blue-collar influences, then you may view that as being the hardest working type of people. The most decent sort, and the kind of person you aim to be.
If your entire life you've been surrounded by white-collar folks, your standards will differ. You may hate that world, you may resent it, but that may still be the kind of person you aim to be. You may not become an accountant or CEO, but that is probably still what you view as the height of achievement. This won't immediately be obvious to you, or you may be in denial, but if there is an ingrained sense of degradation towards the blue-collar (or alternative lifestyle) variety, there is little chance one setting their goals at that point. Education and knowledge will always be a higher form of success and intelligence in your book.

There is certainly a high-anxiety-level in people of this type. Being an artist is difficult in its own right, due to the fact that making money and earning respect will be more of a difficult task. However, being that humans are social creatures, if expectations upon you are higher and more difficult to attain, stress will be higher.

This is another of those unfair aspects of life. Being thrown into the world, being labeled and boxed, and then told, "Maintain this or live knowing you've let us down." This is the opposite of what some professionals would call 'unconditional positive reinforcement'. A rare find these days. Everyone has felt that pressure. "If you are not like me (or what I want you to be like), I won't love you, or like you, or be proud of you, or support you.... etc."

Above all else, without UPR, life is more challenging. Bills may not get paid, assignments may not be in on time, but if at the end of the day someone still can appreciate you, I imagine you will still find joy and a purpose for living.

The thing is, most of us never leave the adolescent stage. We seek approval from others and we're spiteful. We're spiteful because we seek approval. Odd, isn't it? Like teenagers, people are so terrified of being rejected that we sometimes intentionally ruin a good thing before we can unintentionally ruin it. We also will stubbornly give up if we do not receive the feedback we seek.

Where one's priorities lie will nearly entirely determine their potential for contentedness throughout life. I can't say what will improve one's standing and pleasure. I cannot say how one resolves and rebirths. I suppose the most important thing is remembering that, one day, you'll be on your death bed. You may be surrounded by people who love you, you may be all alone when it happens. But, at that point, you have to face your choices and your life. What you've accomplished and seen and tried, that will be what's left with you. Sure, your time alive and suffering will be much longer than those weeks, days, or hours before death, when you can really contemplate everything, but what sums it all up are those last 20 minutes. No matter how senile or poorly you are, what you have experienced through life will be there with you in that moment. Maybe what matters the very most is what you find once you're at that point.

After all, we've all experienced what's prior to life, we'll all experience what's post-life; the time in-between the two is quite long and arduous, but maybe it's worth making it a good time.