If I am in your life, you chose me and let me in, and I am flattered. Nay, I am honoured. Thank you for allowing me into your life.
Sometimes, I also chose to have you in my life. Thank you for allowing me to have you in my life! Other times, I tolerate it. This may come through in subtle ways, if this is the case. If I politely and in a very submissive, passive manner allowed you to just kinda linger about in my world, occasionally meeting up and chatting, then that's great! But... never feel obligated to keep me in your life, as I certainly don't feel anyone is required to remain in my life (except my family. Sorry, guys). It may seem painful or uncomfortable, but just kick me out! Just say it or, heck, even disappear into oblivion. Trust me, this option sounds cruel, but it comes nowhere near as awful as being told how to act or that the personality I currently have is bad, wrong, or selfish.
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If you make a friend or an acquaintance and then expect them to be as attached, attentive, affectionate, and attuned to your needs as you are to theirs, you're fighting a losing battle. If they naturally are, congratulations! You just found a best friend!
If they aren't, go ahead and mention that you have needs, but don't shame, insult, or instruct them, unless they ask you to do so. Tell them that YOU like it when people contact you everyday or make plans every week. Don't tell someone that they are a problem or how they must act. That person is that person and you're entering into their world and their comforts.
Which is not to say there isn't room for growth and compromise, but if that person isn't fulfilling your needs, move on. If that person doesn't want to change or isn't satisfying you as a friend/significant other/etc., then rather than waiting around and asking them to change or getting outright mad at them for not being the person you thought they would or should be, just change your course.
If they insist on being your friend and ask to be in your life, yet continue to be someone with whom you are displeased, this is your opportunity to explain the problem and state your concerns. This is someone who wants to know how to change and wants to be the person you want. If they do not succeed, it is only reasonable for you to step away. If they ask you to change without your consent, then they are only there trying to harm you, your happiness, and your ego.
If you feel you are the one constantly making the effort, constantly being let down, constantly feeling deprived of affection and attention, then that person just isn't a good match for you. Let them go, don't drag them down. That person was him/herself before you entered his/her life. Maybe others have felt the same way you do and maybe you just have bigger expectations than others. Either way, there is no reason you two are required to be in one another's lives and continue to experience these negative feelings.
That person has every right to remain the person they always were, that person can resist your interaction, and that person can reject your efforts. You may take this personally, and it may be personal, but it may not be. It is your choice to make and it is your responsibility. Unless the person says something outright insulting, there is never any reason anyone should change personality traits for your sake, unless this is desired by THEM. Have respect and take a hint.
