Turning the Boat Around

Label mood swings as you will and diagnose people willy-nilly, but all I know is that I am in a very different place, mentally and I am a very different person than I was 3 or 4 months ago. It was a long haul and getting through each day felt nearly impossible, but sticking it out was worth it. Of course, if I had died, I wouldn't have had to put up with it and I wouldn't have known, felt, seen, or dealt with any of it, but... for whatever reason, I pushed through it and it paid off! Fully aware that I can only speak for the past couple days and today, I do not know what tomorrow or the next day brings. This is what they mean by taking it one day at a time. Living in fear of those feelings (or lack thereof) returning is not a good use of time. It doesn't change anything, fix anything, or prevent anything, unless action is taken. Even then, there's no predicting when a state of mania will be subdued with angst and melancholy, but until that happens, it's all groovy. Not to mention, if you are capable of thinking that far ahead, then you am optimistic enough to think you will even get to that point! In which case, that's not too bad. If you don't think you'll make it that far, then, what are you even worried about?

Suicidal ideation is like any addiction, in that one is never cured. There is treatment and temporary relief sometimes, there is recovery and staying on the "will to live" wagon. However, those thoughts will always return throughout life.

If only there were some cure-all, some AA meeting for this addiction. Sure, there's therapy and even group therapy, but that treats in a very specific manner, it's treatment for a very specific depressive diagnosis. Imagine you entered the basement of a church or a hospital and found a picnic table covered in a white cloth. There's a pot of coffee and hot water, donuts and cookies, people standing around waiting for the event to begin. As it does, everyone sits down and prepares to be as open and raw as they've ever been. One by one, each member stands up, as they feel so inclined, and they share, "Hello. I am addicted to self-harm and suicidal attempts."
"I am addicted to indirect self-destructive behaviour." "I am afraid to be alone right now."
There are so many variations of semantics and syntax, but this room would be filled with people who either know their risks or have yet to make sense of them. They would have sponsors and alongside any psychiatric and psychological support from people with MDs and PhDs, they'd have alternative option from peers, therapists and counselors, friends, people who were and are on the same path... whoever was able to show up and speak up, they could and would have a place to go.

We need to begin a movement that deals with self-harm and suicide as a main attraction, not a symptom, side effect, or after thought. Because there are very few people who have never thought about giving themselves the ol' heave-ho. Whether you're diagnosed with something physical or mental or you're fit as a ferret or medicated up the wazoo, you're not safe. No one is safe from the consequences of existential awareness and presence and what pain it brings. How far it goes is where the influences, traumas, and precautions come into play. Children can contemplate suicide without even knowing that death is an end to a force, not knowing that you don't get 4 lives or that a magical kiss won't awaken you. Suicidal ideation and self-destructive habits can arise anytime at all without being provoked and without warning. Because of this, it isn't always possible to label who is at risk! We can't have every person who may harm themselves on a regimen or in a program, it's simply impossible. What we do need is a place that people can drop in impromptu and unplanned, just wander in and find relief from the obsessive thoughts, the painful thoughts, and mind control that plagues the good, bad, and ugly.

Plus, these resources have to be focused on those who cannot afford regular treatment. Not everyone can go to a private analyst and psychiatrist and get insurance and pay for prescriptions. Even those who can may not be able to attend and follow through because of physical or mental restrictions. There are so many variables that come into play and may keep someone from seeking help and being helped. If society focused on these people and found ways to help them, who knows what good could come of it. Less mass shootings? Less suicide? Fewer children and adolescents and grown adults who must suffer on a daily basis? The sky isn't the limit, there are no limits to what changes and reform can be made once the individuals are integrated and focused on and given a chance. People who are in recovery can finally be given a platform and a voice which could lead to the confidence to step up, maybe on a local level or a political stance. Whatever it may be, it's a path to aim toward and anything in that direction is progress. As of now, all we have is the bare minimum and that won't cut it. It's time for people in need to have their place, their time, and the people behind each of them to get where they need to be. The mentally ill, the hurt and "damaged" are a large majority of the population, it's time to treat them as such.

So, your kid's not a genius!

So, your kid's not a genius:

What to do if your offspring isn't the sharpest tool at the Juggalo Fest

I'll start by saying that I have never taken any sort of IQ or aptitude test. Heck, I could probably count the number of times I've taken an eye exam in my life on one hand. However, I have met many people who tell me that their pediatrician told them they were geniuses when they were just 2 days old. Then, they grow up and claim their kid's a genius right outta the belly bag (scientific terminology). A few people agree and, bada bing flada floom, next thing you know, kid's on the shoulders of a man in a funny hat, wearing Alice Cooper makeup, and does not look amused at all.

 

It's hard to challenge someone who claims their little cherub monster is special and does magical things. It's like those images that move if you turn your head, step back, and squint. Okay, so, they're a genius. You and your kid are geniuses. Actually, no! Right... you were a genius, until you realized that your 4-year-old is smarter than you. Thus, he/she is the genius and you renounce your ingeniousness. Something like that.

I've know many of these people. The question is, do they all have anything in common? Any traits or habits that may be the secret to great success? Yes. Oh, yes. They all seemed really stupid.

Obviously, when it came to their *specialty*, their jargon and BS-ery was on-point, but ask a history buff to grab a box of tea on the way home or hand a mathematician a wrench and you may not get very far. These are an entirely different skill set, though, why would I expect someone to excel at skills that require talents in a whole different portion of the brain? I don't. But, completely lacking basic life or social skills or common sense just doesn't feel all that genius to me.

One day, you'll be out for sushi with your one-trick pony and as the chopsticks are placed on the table, you'll look at each other and realize that this is not the life you had in mind. Sure, at the stable he could prance and gallop like a Pegasus floating on a cloud, and that's wonderful. However, at WuShun WuShuf Sushi Palace, those talents are meaningless.

At the end of the day, a parent wants to see their child be "the best" and succeed. They don't want to see their spawn struggle or fail, for a multitude of reasons. You could just tell them to suck it up and get over it or that there are worse things than a kid who isn't SPECIAL, but that only goes so far. Having a dumb, mediocre, average kid is not what you imagined after 9 months of morning sickness, oopsie poopsies (another medical term) and various other challenges of childbirth. You expected a thing just as perfect as you.

 
Guess what? That kid is absolutely perfect. No matter how much stress, exhaustion, frustration they put you through, despite all the trials and tribulations you must face for the sake of the creature you created, that beast demon is perfect for what and who they are. The world may never recognize it or celebrate it, but the world is hella dumb. Most people who are celebrated on a mass scale are horrible, awful, manipulative creatures who only focus on their own peace and comfort. As satisfying as it is to be told that you or your child are akin to Einstein or Mozart or Ms. Frizzle, this is seldom a true compliment.

Example time! Today I heard a college tour guide ask a group of teens, "Anyone planning on being Columbus in college and studying abroad?"
She said this with a large smile and great enthusiasm. When no one raised their hand, her smile turned upside-down and she looked disappointed in the group. My thought was, "That's like asking a group of Boy Scouts, "Hey, anyone planning on being Robert Mugabe in college and studying leadership?"
Sure, the man knew how to walk into a party and own it, but when the party's over, you gotsta go!

Einstein... had strict rules for his wife, Maric. The rules included: ‘she had to stop talking when Einstein asked her to’, ‘she had to serve him three meals a day’, and ‘she could not expect any physical intimacy from him’.
Einstein... the guy who married his cousin after separating from Maric, and still continued to have extramarital affairs.
Mozart... who loudly and publicly sang to the woman who rejected him the words, "Leck mir das Mensch im Arsch, das mich nicht will" (The one who doesn't want me can lick my ass)."
Mozart... a man known for his love of scatalogical humor. In case you don't know what that is, it's jokes about "defecation, urination, and flatulence, and to a lesser extent vomiting and other body functions." 
Aside from putting children in precarious situations and frizzy hair, Ms. Frizzle was perfect, but there are always exceptions.

The point is, any disappointment in your child will lead to a deep, secret, sometimes extremely unconscious resentment, a feeling your child will pick up on, no matter what you use to cover it up. This could lead to a downward spiral, a strained relationship, or self-esteem problems that seemingly arose from "nowhere". These expectations and high standards that do not exist or mean anything will control the life he/she leads. Meanwhile, it's all just a power game, a lie people are told and tell in order to feel like they have things in order, when, really, it's all just chaos. No matter how many facts, stats, books, or deep thoughts someone can list off, underneath it all, there is fear, insecurity, and great potential for failure.

Embrace those mistakes, that room for improvement! Be the parent who swoops in and recognizes the challenges, and is on the child's team, rooting for them, helping them, lifting them up, and guiding them. From the moment that kid is born until you're on a straw rocking chair with a catheter, that kid is yours and it is your job to stick with them through hell or high water, to offer solutions or consolation or a bowl of ice cream after a rough time. There's no walking away from that responsibility, no matter where or who your child turns into as they mature. Your one job is to be with them for the journey, even when you just don't want to do it.

The problem is not that your child is not perfect, the problem is that most parents fail to recognize the perfection. They can't be bothered to celebrate it and help polish the scuffs when things get hazy. Parenthood is a messy job without any rhyme or reason. This is why a willingness to learn from others, listen to and respect your children, and be better at parenting as whole, is the only way to move forward and make the best of it. Whether adopted, implanted, accidental, or scheduled, there is no better or worse, there is only an opportunity to positively impact humanity.