Thursday, November 17, 2016

Something Beautiful

We talk about love, but we hate one another.
We talk about peace, but we refuse to sacrifice.
We are hypocrites, liars, and cheaters at our best.
But I've seen the beauty staring back at me,
I don't want to ruin or judge it.
I won't let jaded figures break it.

It's here reaching out for you,
all you have to do is let it inhale you.
Surrender and be sold to its will.
Give in to its positive light and indignant empathy.
You are its leader, but you're on its chain.
Let it lead and and be a slave to its movement.
Let yourself be moved. Let us be moved.

With all the negativity and hatred I've seen. With all the death and damage I've witnessed. Much like the rest of the world, I was feeling defeated. It seemed like the world was exhausted and whatever homeostasis we had was faltering and allowing destruction to take over.

However, my faith has been restored. Not only through the pleasure and bliss of my own optimism and initiative, but by the remaining good. It's there, it's everywhere, and I don't want it overlooked, ignored, unseen or forgotten. I am inspired to share this hope because of what happened to me yesterday. Several good things happened, but what stood out amidst it all was a simple kind word.

A client with whom I work at fieldwork reminded me of a love and peace about which I had forgotten. This individual is quite low functioning on the autism spectrum. Speech is difficult, movement is not fluid, comprehension and articulation in objective terms are very impeded. This person is an autistic transgender with physical and mental challenges of a great degree. She has been harassed, hated, unappreciated, and underestimated her entire life.

Although she often talks about her passion for cooking, most people don't believe she is even capable of doing this. Not for a moment do I doubt her. Not her sexuality, not her abilities, not her potential, and I have absolutely no doubt when she tells me she is drop dead gorgeous- because she is drop dead gorgeous. My relationship with this client has grown and blossomed in the year at a rapid rate. She will share things with me that she doesn't share with others, we have congealed into one fantastic being, and I am honoured that she could take me as a confidante and equal. I don't know if I am at her level just yet, but she doesn't let me feel lesser, and I try to comply and be my best.

For someone who has seen the world's darkest pits and experienced rejection her entire life, never have I met such a gentle "beast". Some see her as such and treat her as such. They take advantage of her kindness and desire to give and help and serve others. I'm in no position to get her away from this, but I do my best to offer words of strength and, most of all, help her recognize and take hold of her talents, abilities, and capabilities.

Having attended vocational school for cooking and then being a busboy at NYU, she has the knowledge to create and cook as much as she claims. The naysayers may be surprised by her unstoppable courage, but she is a force to reckoned with. She has a lot to say and offer, and I plan to be a compliant in her activity for as long as I can.

Right now we are working on getting her recipes written down. Once this is done, I hope we can find the funding to print her cookbook. I am not sure if this will just be one copy for her to hold onto and treasure, or enough copies to publish and potentially sell for her profit, but the long term realities are of no importance. Right now we are creating and moving forward on a school bus to victory.

This touching moment, however, it was a simple act. Yet, it placed a pin in my heart that will forever remain. This occurred when she saw a picture of a loved one on my phone. She must have seen the image for a nanosecond, but quickly asked, "Is that your family?"

I should mention that this person, although caring and considerate as could be, she does not typically have interest in the background of others. Certainly not "staff", as she usually considers staff to be different and not the same as the members. However, on this day she was curious about my photo. At which I informed her that the photo was indeed a family member. She asked if I loved her to death. I replied that I did... and even more. She then put her hand on my shoulder and said the words for which I've been waiting to hear. The words that I've needed to hear, and the lack thereof were tearing at my insides and torturing me. She told me, "I am sure she loves you to death, too."

I did not inform her that this family member had passed away. I couldn't tell her, and it was of no importance, anyway. Besides which, I was left speechless, with an aching in my heart that I wanted to frame. I wanted to allow us to sit within the frame and cry and smile and be ourselves forever. Unfortunately, I could not offer this, so I thanked her. So deeply and gratefully, this was possibly the most important "thank you" I've ever shared.

This is that love and peace of which you speak. Don't beg or search for it. Be it.

2 comments:

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  2. Its a shame you couldn't show her how important she was to you at that moment. Don't you just love how the world seems to put the people you need at the exact moment you need them. I think people should be more open about stuff like that with each other. How else could they even know the importance of a simple gesture or kind word? like that one moment of actual human intimacy and knowing that despite all her problems she was actually saving you. I bet your grandmother was smiling too :)

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