Saturday, December 1, 2012

A Day in the Life

... of a dog foster. I can imagine some people hear about the difficulties of fostering a shelter dog and say several things, "It's tough but it's for a good cause!", "Hey, at least he's cute!", or my personal favourite, "Come on, it's just a dog..."

Have you ever wanted to simultaneously punch a malnourished dog in the face, as well as an ignorant human? I have.

Of course dogs (and cats and puppies and kittens) are adorable but do you know how freaking annoying and needy they are? At least if you're taking care of a kid, you can throw him outside and say, "Survival of the fittest! If it's meant to survive, it will." This sort of applies to dogs and cats but they're cuter, so it's not as good an argument.

Let me start with kittens. Demons of the Earth! As tiring and messy and difficult it is to take care of a big  pup, a kitten is definitely Satan's way of saying, "Oh, yeah, I'm watching you." They scratch, bite, walk under your feet, fling litter everywhere, get into everything, destroy everything, stink, get stuff in their fur, attack everyone and everything... to sum it all up, they are like monkeys who are too stupid to get down trees once they climb up. They don't get much easier, either. To anyone who has ever said, "Aw, a kitten! I want it!" I wish unto you, well, kittens!

Now, puppies. Aw, puppies. I like puppies. Puppies are so much fun! Oh, golly gee!

Go eat a bomb.

Puppies are better than kittens but not by much. They can't jump up on things and knock everything down, sure, but they can chew on everything, pee on everything, wake you up every ten minutes for attention, and eat things off the floor and then puke everywhere. If you adopt a puppy, you should also be buying stock in Bounty paper towel!

Of course, on the other hand, fostering is rewarding, it's fun at times, and when you find that dog that was only days, weeks, or months ago, homeless, starving, and miserable the perfect home, you feel like a God! Of course, you don't  do it for that reason alone but it's a great reward at the end of the day.

Besides, have you ever bought those gourmet dog treats? I swear, if I weren't vegan, I would eat them. The ingredients are often, honey, flour, peanut butter, and *insert un-pronounceable item*... Probably delicious!

Is saving another life, even a "lower life form's" life worth sacrificing your own sanity? I think so. That is, if I had been sane before, I think I'd be willing to give it up for the cause. Soon the dogs will be taking care of me, really. That's the bigger plan. Train an army of super genius dogs that will obey my every command and... well, I haven't gotten far enough to plan what they will accomplish but I think genius dog army is a really good start!

All I am trying to say here is... I need to find a home for my current foster. You can share her information at the following link:

Yes, this was all a big plot to get you, my readers, to pity me and help me find the dog a home. Evil? Maybe. Clever? Duh.

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