Tuesday, August 26, 2014


Normally, I would say ignorance is a wonderful thing. To some extent, at least. I don't want to know everything. I want to ponder and debate and question certain things. However, I've recently realized, if there is a Heaven and a God, and he doesn't let us know he exists, that's simply not fair. That's cruel.
Not for the sake of Earthly pain and trauma, but for those who have died. Some people are so good and kind that WE deserve to know the truth. Are they simply in a box underground being eaten by worms? "Oh, darling, this human is delectable!"
Or, are they still somewhere? Do they still get to exist? Because, for some people, I really hope they do. And, if they do, I want to know that. Otherwise, don't bother.
It may not be that I am an adamant atheist because I am *certain* there is no God, but more so, because I don't want there to be. If there is, it is sad to think "someone" like that could exist. Of all the evil we know of, God would be the very worst. The most heinous of them all. I hope for us all that he does not exist.
It would be much better to go on without meaning or purpose. To think it's all a chaotic mess and science has done us some good and done us some bad, but no one consciously chose to do such things to us.
What use is dying if there's no opportunity to jump back and forth between the Heavens and the Hells and the in-betweens. We can pop into Hell and greet Groucho Marx, and pop upstairs for a breeze and a chat with... who am I kidding? There's no one there I'd want to chat with! Then go back to Earth for a bit to make sure someone's been feeding your dog (or not, if you miss him!)
But that gets me thinking about the fairness of all existence! Which is way too big a topic to cover. However, think about it! I want you to THINK about it. In this big world of actual, real conspiracies. Ones we will never grasp. It's incredible. I mean, why did those bath salt zombie people suddenly disappear? Why did they suddenly *appear*? Reminds me of a friend I briefly had... He was an "activist", sort of. He showed up at all the rallies and whatnot, but never spoke of the cause. He'd simply tell me how much he wanted to hurt people. He had a rage disorder in which he would randomly harm strangers. He was delusional (he thought a cup of ketchup was blood....) and he really was an aggravator at these events. One day he disappeared. Gone. Everyone forgot about him. He caused trouble, made us look bad and dangerous, and then, who knows! It's so easy for xxxx to create these illusions, these events without anyone batting an eye. You have the conspiracy theorists making up crazy stories, no one listens, but then when odd coincidences and events come about, the "normal" folk rationalize it. Which is good, because there's enough crazy out there as it is. But, what about the things that could be happening right underneath our noses and we rationalize them, or we're so distracted by whatever the media wants us to focus on, that those things walk right past us. This scares me. This is why I try to avoid media, but media IS society. It's how we socialize, how we spend our free-time, how we make money and travel and bond and survive. If we live entirely outside of it, we have no power or say in what goes down. So, that's just as useless. If we speak up, we're given just enough rope to feel a sense of chaos and freedom, but never enough to unveil anything.
Humans are just animals, along with all the other "just animals", yet, our "intelligence" has given us the ability to ruin ourselves. De-naturalize ourselves. We've made life unfair. We live to complain and witness how unfair it is. We have no other option than to follow the lead of what we know. We're all part of a bigger picture that we label as nature or life, but, as far as we know, we've made everything we have. We've turned it into the something or nothing or meaningless pit of depression and anxiety that it is. Am I the only one who is angered by this? That we have NO other option than to obey? Even if one is outside the rules and expectations, they are still part of it! They are defined by living outside of it. Their existence is meaningless and useless for anyone but themselves. I can't speak for random tribes and communes elsewhere in the world. People living in caves and underground in the pipes or whatever.... I don't know what kind of life that would be. I'm not sure it's one I could live (then again, that may only be because I've adjusted to this pampered life.) But those people are suffering in their own ways. I am sure. They still experience physical pain and rejection and anger and are insulted and feel hungry and lack things.

It may seem as though I am jumping large topic to huge topic, but this is what is on my mind. This is why I barely sleep anymore, so pardon me. Especially if you're not really catching my points and thoughts.

Originally, my theory was that life was more pleasant in the past. That things were better. But, first of all, that's a very general statement that I can't really support without hours of research and hundreds of more pages. Second, that sort of conclusion is useless. It's a nihilist statement, because it is impossible to start over. What I seek is the solution for tomorrow. Not for the world, but for my own words of wisdom. What could I tell a child to help them live a happier life or a more fulfilling one? What would my graduation speech advice be? Or, is it simply, that there is no ultimate answer? Do we have to accept that there will be days when... when it feels as if there is no decency left? Is fairness not an attainable goal? Should good things happen to good people? I suppose not. Not unless they happen to.

I think I am having a legitimate existential crisis. Or a hair extension crisis? An extra-terrestrial Jesus Christus!

I'll stop now.

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