Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Turning the Boat Around

Label mood swings as you will and diagnose people willy-nilly, but all I know is that I am in a very different place, mentally and I am a very different person than I was 3 or 4 months ago. It was a long haul and getting through each day felt nearly impossible, but sticking it out was worth it. Of course, if I had died, I wouldn't have had to put up with it and I wouldn't have known, felt, seen, or dealt with any of it, but... for whatever reason, I pushed through it and it paid off! Fully aware that I can only speak for the past couple days and today, I do not know what tomorrow or the next day brings. This is what they mean by taking it one day at a time. Living in fear of those feelings (or lack thereof) returning is not a good use of time. It doesn't change anything, fix anything, or prevent anything, unless action is taken. Even then, there's no predicting when a state of mania will be subdued with angst and melancholy, but until that happens, it's all groovy. Not to mention, if you are capable of thinking that far ahead, then you am optimistic enough to think you will even get to that point! In which case, that's not too bad. If you don't think you'll make it that far, then, what are you even worried about?

Suicidal ideation is like any addiction, in that one is never cured. There is treatment and temporary relief sometimes, there is recovery and staying on the "will to live" wagon. However, those thoughts will always return throughout life.

If only there were some cure-all, some AA meeting for this addiction. Sure, there's therapy and even group therapy, but that treats in a very specific manner, it's treatment for a very specific depressive diagnosis. Imagine you entered the basement of a church or a hospital and found a picnic table covered in a white cloth. There's a pot of coffee and hot water, donuts and cookies, people standing around waiting for the event to begin. As it does, everyone sits down and prepares to be as open and raw as they've ever been. One by one, each member stands up, as they feel so inclined, and they share, "Hello. I am addicted to self-harm and suicidal attempts."
"I am addicted to indirect self-destructive behaviour." "I am afraid to be alone right now."
There are so many variations of semantics and syntax, but this room would be filled with people who either know their risks or have yet to make sense of them. They would have sponsors and alongside any psychiatric and psychological support from people with MDs and PhDs, they'd have alternative option from peers, therapists and counselors, friends, people who were and are on the same path... whoever was able to show up and speak up, they could and would have a place to go.

We need to begin a movement that deals with self-harm and suicide as a main attraction, not a symptom, side effect, or after thought. Because there are very few people who have never thought about giving themselves the ol' heave-ho. Whether you're diagnosed with something physical or mental or you're fit as a ferret or medicated up the wazoo, you're not safe. No one is safe from the consequences of existential awareness and presence and what pain it brings. How far it goes is where the influences, traumas, and precautions come into play. Children can contemplate suicide without even knowing that death is an end to a force, not knowing that you don't get 4 lives or that a magical kiss won't awaken you. Suicidal ideation and self-destructive habits can arise anytime at all without being provoked and without warning. Because of this, it isn't always possible to label who is at risk! We can't have every person who may harm themselves on a regimen or in a program, it's simply impossible. What we do need is a place that people can drop in impromptu and unplanned, just wander in and find relief from the obsessive thoughts, the painful thoughts, and mind control that plagues the good, bad, and ugly.

Plus, these resources have to be focused on those who cannot afford regular treatment. Not everyone can go to a private analyst and psychiatrist and get insurance and pay for prescriptions. Even those who can may not be able to attend and follow through because of physical or mental restrictions. There are so many variables that come into play and may keep someone from seeking help and being helped. If society focused on these people and found ways to help them, who knows what good could come of it. Less mass shootings? Less suicide? Fewer children and adolescents and grown adults who must suffer on a daily basis? The sky isn't the limit, there are no limits to what changes and reform can be made once the individuals are integrated and focused on and given a chance. People who are in recovery can finally be given a platform and a voice which could lead to the confidence to step up, maybe on a local level or a political stance. Whatever it may be, it's a path to aim toward and anything in that direction is progress. As of now, all we have is the bare minimum and that won't cut it. It's time for people in need to have their place, their time, and the people behind each of them to get where they need to be. The mentally ill, the hurt and "damaged" are a large majority of the population, it's time to treat them as such.

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